Despite their traditional significance, I consider red velvet cake to be one of the more menacing desserts. I assure you that lurking beneath the moist and dainty surface there is a wretched force to be reckoned with.
These confections are sinister entities, thinly veiled under a cloak of cream cheese innocence.
Deceptive, yet somehow charming, they will make you pray for Ragnarok.
Make it:
Preheat your oven to 350 degrees, and have all your ingredients at room temperature.
The Cake:
Sift together
2 1/2 cups cake flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
Coco Powder-How much coco you put in is really a personal preference.
I use anywhere from 2 tablespoons to 1/4 cup depending on how much I love chocolate that day.
In a large bowl assault:
1 stick of butter until creamy
add 1 1/3 cups of sugar and mix until fluffy and light
Mix together in yet another bowl:
3 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 cup vegetable oil
Gradually add this to the sugar mixture
Pour in the entire contents of a 1 ounce bottle of red food coloring
(or for those who are truly cult you could try sacrificing a goat to a mighty Norse god, and using the blood)
Add the flour mixture in three parts alternating with
1 cup buttermilk
Bake it:
For cupcakes:
I like to spoon the batter into a pastry bag or a ziplock and then squirt it into the cups, it makes for less drips.
Bake 12-15 minutes
For full size cake:
Make sure you line your cake pan with parchment, this batter really likes to stick.
Bake 22-30 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean.
Frost it:
In a food processor combine
3 cups sifted powdered sugar
8 ounces of cold cream cheese
3 tablespoons butter
2 teaspoons vanilla
Frost and top with shredded coconut
Best enjoyed with friends over an argument of who is truly more cult.
Also, thank you Dano for sifting the flour again. It is the most infernal of tasks.
