Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Le Petit Gâteau des Légions Noires-Traditional cupcakes inspired by untraditional black metal

In a perfect world everything would be as stark and void of color as these cupcakes. They are baneful in their absolute disdain for your tastelessness, and are true misanthropes as far as baked goods go.


Make it:

3 cups flour
2 cups sugar
1/2 cup cocoa powder
2 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
2/3 cup oil
2 tsp. vanilla
2 tsp. apple cider vinegar
2 cups cold water

Cream cheese sea of woe:
8 oz. cream cheese(softened!!!!!)
1/3 cup sugar
1 large egg
chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350 degrees
In a large bowl sift together: flour, sugar, cocoa powder, baking soda, salt.
Add: Oil, vanilla, vinegar, cold water
Stir gently until just combined. Too much friction annihilates the bubbles!

In a small bowl stir together until creamy:
Softened cream cheese, sugar, and egg. Add as many chocolate chips as you can stand.

Fill cupcake tins about half full of cake batter, and drop cream cheese mixture by the spoonful into each one.
Bake 15-20 minutes, or until toothpick inserted into cakey part comes out clean.
Let cool, and decorate with a splattering of melted chocolate.

Best enjoyed when paired with obscure French black metal.

Friday, March 7, 2008

Frostbitten Molasses Cookies Entombed with Ginger

Boiled down to its very essence, metal is nothing more than a mixture of molasses and alienation. By that definition, these cookies are black fucking metal. Packed full of grim and evil spices, they will leave you feeling despondent and isolated within their stronghold of flavor.

frostbitten molasses cookies entombed with ginger

Make it:

1/2 cup butter
1/2 cup sugar
1/4 cup molasses
1/8 cup honey
1 egg yolk
1 cup crystallized ginger pieces
2 cups flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
pinch of salt
1 1/2 tblsp cinnamon
1 to 2 tsp ground ginger
1 tsp nutmeg

Preheat oven to 350 degrees
Cream together butter, sugar, molasses, and honey. Beat in egg yolk and ginger pieces.
Sift together flour baking soda, baking powder, salt and spices.
Add dry ingredients to wet ingredients in thirds.
Chill for an hour.
bake 8-10 minutes
DO NOT OVER BAKE. To do so would not be brutal.

Enjoy, and sacrifice one to Space Odin.
Thank you to Dano for sifting the flour. My hands are permanently clenched in anger.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Call of the Wintermoon Lemon Curd Cookies!

Call of the Winter Moon Sandwich Cookies

I'm pretty sure lemon curd doesn't exist in Norway. However, if by some miracle Odin had bestowed upon the snow beaten north the gift of citrus, the vikings would have probably made these. Buried beneath the mountains of frost...are cookies!

Butter Cookies:
2 sticks unsalted butter
2/3 cup sugar
1 large egg
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
pinch of salt
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 1/3 cups flour

Beat butter and sugar together in a large bowl. Add, and stir until well combined: egg, baking powder, salt, and vanilla. Stir in flour with a mighty sense of loathing, and chill dough for a few hours.
Preheat oven to 325-350 degrees.
Roll out dough and cut into small circles. Bake 10 to 12 minutes. Sandwich with lemon curd and devour.

These are best enjoyed while basking in the self-righteousness of your own obscurity.