My Ornaments of Cinnamon

Heed the might that is the Cinnamon Roll Cookie...
Originally forged in hell, these confections were developed by the steady hand of brutality itself.
Inside their swirling, sugary reach lies a fantastic microcosm of addiction and diabetes.
In fact, you should do yourself a favor and just inject these straight into your veins.





Make it:

Cream together until light and fluffy:
1 cup room temperature butter(2 sticks)
1/3 cup white sugar
1/3 cup light brown sugar

Mix in:
1 egg
a pinch of salt
1/4 tsp baking powder
1 1/4 tsp vanilla
Stir until well blended. I like to use an electric mixer to make sure there aren't any chunks. Although there is nothing more rancorous than serving someone a cookie full of baking powder nuggets...
Stir in until you get cookie dough:
2 cups all purpose flour
1/3 cup cake flour

Take the entire mixture, and carefully flatten into a disk. Wrap in foil, or plastic wrap if no lamb skins are available, and chill for 3 to 4 hours.
When dough is cold, and fully apathetic, roll into a sheet about 1/4" thick.
Brush dough with:
1/4 cup melted butter
Sprinkle over dough:
1/2 cup brown sugar mixed together with
1 1/2 to 2 teaspoons cinnamon
a few handfuls of chopped hazelnuts/walnuts/pecans/raisins/teeth...(optional)

Roll tightly into a log and again, wrap in some sort of cover.
Chill in the northern darkness or another few hours, or freeze for about an hour.
You really just want to be able to slice the log without having it melt.
Have your oven set to 350 degrees

Cut log into 1/4" thick slices and arrange on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper.
Sprinkle each roll with a bit more brown sugar
Bake at 350 for 10 minutes
Raise temperature to 375 degrees and bake for an additional 6-9 minutes, or until the edges of the cookies are just golden.



Best enjoyed with a clenched hand to the heart in coronary distress

Frostbitten Molasses Cookies Entombed with Ginger

Boiled down to its very essence, metal is nothing more than a mixture of molasses and alienation. By that definition, these cookies are black fucking metal. Packed full of grim and evil spices, they will leave you feeling despondent and isolated within their stronghold of flavor.




Make it:

1/2 cup butter
1/2 cup sugar
1/4 cup molasses
1/8 cup honey
1 egg yolk
1 cup crystallized ginger pieces
2 cups flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
pinch of salt
1 1/2 tblsp cinnamon
1 to 2 tsp ground ginger
1 tsp nutmeg

Preheat oven to 350 degrees
Cream together butter, sugar, molasses, and honey. Beat in egg yolk and ginger pieces.
Sift together flour baking soda, baking powder, salt and spices.
Add dry ingredients to wet ingredients in thirds.
Chill for an hour.
bake 8-10 minutes
DO NOT OVER BAKE. To do so would not be brutal.

Enjoy, and sacrifice one to Space Odin.
Thank you to Dano for sifting the flour. My hands are permanently clenched in anger.

Call of the Wintermoon Lemon Curd Cookies!

I'm pretty sure lemon curd doesn't exist in Norway. However, if by some miracle Odin had bestowed upon the snow beaten north the gift of citrus, the vikings would have probably made these. Buried beneath the mountains of frost...are cookies!

Butter Cookies:
2 sticks unsalted butter
2/3 cup sugar
1 large egg
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
pinch of salt
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 1/3 cups flour

Beat butter and sugar together in a large bowl. Add, and stir until well combined: egg, baking powder, salt, and vanilla. Stir in flour with a mighty sense of loathing, and chill dough for a few hours.
Preheat oven to 325-350 degrees.
Roll out dough and cut into small circles. Bake 10 to 12 minutes. Sandwich with lemon curd and devour.

These are best enjoyed while basking in the self-righteousness of your own obscurity.