Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Beholding the Scone of Might- Candied Lemon/Cherry Scones

I consider scones to be the often overlooked, often over baked underbelly of breakfast pastries. In fact, in my twenty two years on this wretched earth, I have only held hate in my cold heart for these most vicious of culinary disappointments. Much like terrible metal, carelessly made scones are dry, tasteless, and steeped in utter remorse.
Thus, I regard the following recipe as one of the most grueling, and difficult to master.
These confections are truly fit for a Transylvanian hunger.

Make it:

Preheat the fires of hell to 425 degrees
In a large bowl sift together:

2 cups flour

1/2 cup sugar
1 tablespoon baking powder
3/4 teaspoon salt

drop in
7 tablespoons
cold butter cut up into little chunks
Using a pastry blender, or two knives incorporate butter into flour
until mixture resembles bread crumbs and the biggest pieces are no bigger than small peas.
*Don't over mix though. Making a paste of butter and flour will give you a terrible finished product, and everyone will hate you, including me.*

Stir in:
1/2 cup dried cherries
1/2 cup candied lemon(see instructions below for making your own candied lemon)
1 egg
1/2 cup heavy cream
Mix just until the dough comes together, and cleans the bowl.
Turn out onto a lightly floured surface and shape into a disk, about an inch or so thick.
Cut into wedges and position onto a baking sheet
Brush with milk, and sprinkle with sugar
Bake 12-15 minutes, or until lightly browned on top

Candied Lemon:
Wash and peel:
1 lemon using a veggie peeler.
Make sure to avoid as much of the white part as possible, unless you are truly cult and enjoy the taste of bitter obscurity.
Chop into thin strips and add to a sauce pan with:
2 cups of cold water.
Bring to a boil, dump water and repeat.
After the second boiling, remove lemon from pan, and add:
1 cup sugar
1 cup water
Simmer until sugar is dissolved, and add the lemon back in.
Simmer gently for 15 minutes
Strain lemon and toss with sugar on a baking pan
Let dry completely before using.
Store leftovers in an airtight container

These scones are best enjoyed while planning your black metal pilgrimage to Norway


Anonymous said...

I shall serve these to my unholy minions@

ingomar said...

I have killed, and I will kill again, to protect and horde these mightiest of pastries.

KM said...

Absolutely incredible. I was just planning my black metal pilgrimage to Norway when I came across this amazing recipe -- and your amazing site. Thank you!

Matt Von Boozestein said...

This is just one of my favorite blogs!! You should have a stand at Wacken fest next year. Incidentally, I have heard rumers that the church burnings in Norway were actually a scone gone wrong. Now I believe!

A&N said...

wow! no eggs! thanks for this 'vegetarian' recipe :) Will give this a try as soon as I can!

Naomi said...

These were lovely; I'm going to candy some orange peel & try that next time.

-df said...

Oh my.
Women hide your children.
Men, cut out your tongues lest ye lose them forever in a damnation of tastiness!!

Such seduction of sweets!
Ye Unholy Witch...
Ye Vampiress...
Ye Succubus!

Run away knaves! Save yourselves! Lest ye be tempted, and crack your soul upon the alter of sugar and flower!
Oh unhappy egg!!

owens said...

This recipe is amazing! I just found your blog today, saw a recipe for one of my favorite baked goods at the top and just happened to have most of the ingredients. So moist and flavorful, not a bit dry! I didn't have any fruit so I used almonds and maple syrup. Wonderful, this recipe is a keeper!

tara said...

these look pretty fancy.i think i may try them. nice job.

Alicia Carrier said...

this is the awesomest food blog of all time! omg black metal and pastries.

derek said...

I want to see some "in the nightside eclairs." black metal and baking. This is too fucking cool.

Anonymous said...

It's been so long since something dark and delectable has come forth from the Black Oven. Don't forsake us Black Oven!

Kirsten Monroe said...

I keep checking the oven....and...nothing. Perhaps a sacrifice is called for.

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Buy Viagra said...

I'm having breakfast right now and I wish I could have one of those, they look so scrumptious, thanks for the craving! hahaha

Anonymous said...

hmmm yummy very tasty